dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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