All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hippo gnu deer
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
