i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
