I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
