Please, let me fuck your mom
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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