The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have fence marks all over my body
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
