is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
