Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
