Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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