For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
