My underwear smells like fireworks.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
