her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
