another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
