I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
