Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
