I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
