Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
