apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
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