I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
