Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
