He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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