its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
