9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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