oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
