That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Drunk is not a location!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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