just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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