We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
