I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
