So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
