I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
