Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
