you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
