Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
