i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
