even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
