she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
