If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
