You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
