I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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