Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Randomize
