Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
