remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
