awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
