I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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