Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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