Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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