I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
