I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
