Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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