hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
where are you?
Hypothermia
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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