If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
