its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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