i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
