soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
